As a former international student and English-as-a-second-language speaker, I remember my confusion about the English language. Why use a word that means the beginning of something to refer to the end of something?

At the recent 2022 winter Purdue Northwest commencement, Chancellor Thomas Keon — the highest position held at Purdue NW campus — mockingly impersonated speakers of Asian languages, while almost all administrators and faculty surrounding him on stage nodded and laughed along.

My former adviser, Dr. Richard Lee at the University of Minnesota, messaged me and another Asian-American faculty member at Purdue the video clip: "Did you see this?"

I recalled at my own graduation at the University of Minnesota in 2019, right before a global pandemic shutdown, the speaker stated this day marked a beginning, not an end, hence commencement. Rich hooded me on stage and one of my friends snapped a picture of Rich, my mom and me outside the stadium.

That was the last time I saw my mom. My mom speaks no English but insisted to fly by herself to visit me — the first in our family to earn a college and a doctoral degree — on three transferred flights with a set of laminated flash cards I made her. On one side of these flash cards were all the requests and declarations in Chinese, and on the other side translated into English, with every card ending in “if you can’t understand or help me, can you please call my son and speak to him in English?”

One of my friends helped translate the commencement to my mom on the bleachers while I waved at them from center stage. I cannot help but wonder what my friend would have translated to my mom if chancellor Keon were to have made his language impression at my commencement.

I wonder if my mom in her jet-lagged state of mind would have cared about yet another racist remark after all the side eyes and scowls at the airport. I wonder if she would have ever "accepted" his apology as the board of trustees did. I wonder if she and other many other international students' families would have reconsidered their choice of school on behalf of their children.

I am a faculty member now at Purdue, and our doctoral program offers a master's degree midpoint along students’ journey to obtain a Ph.D. — making the distinction between commencement and graduation ever more confusing. As such, most students do not attend their master's degree conferral.

In a mentoring meeting with my doctoral student Jenni a few weeks ago, she jokingly said she felt embarrassed she needed to walk on stage for her master's degree conferral because her parents were "forcing" her to. Jenni is a first-generation refugee student who fled Myanmar together with her family and relocated to Indiana as part of a global Chin diaspora. They have already invited all the extended families around the world to the Purdue 2023 commencement and a grander celebration back home. I laughed along with her, with my eyes wet, relating to this familiar sweetness and pressure from many AAPI families.

After watching chancellor Keon’s speech and reading his apology, I wonder what I would do if I were to sit on stage alongside, waiting to hood Jenni and listening to his “made-up language” in reference to an “Asian version” of a previous commencement speech. I wonder what I would say or whether I would apologize to Jenni’s family for the racial trauma inflicted again on their journey to heal.

Our study  has found hearing these racist comments contributed more to traumatic stress disparity than COVID-19 itself during a global pandemic for AAPI and other communities of color. I wonder if they would be baffled at why their daughter would be getting a degree from Purdue. I wonder if they would have believed me if I told them public officials and administrators would be held accountable for their actions.

I wonder if it marks the departure from a racist campus or embarking on their journey to a racist society.

Xiang Zhou is an assistant professor of counseling psychology in the College of Education at Purdue. He is also the instructor of record for a course titled "Asian and Asian American Psychology."